Gabriela. yumi. yume. ube. call me one of these. 19 years old, brazilian. S♥NE, Kamilia, MINE. Obsessed about everything asian, Supernatural, Rurouni Kenshin, technology and art.
Please click the pics on the right for more links.
twitter and instagram: @yume_ing
I did not make the gif I'm using in this sidebar (don't know who did, but the credit goes to the owner).
quick reminder that you don’t have to be suicidal to be depressed.
you don’t have to experience frequent panic attacks to have an anxiety disorder.
you don’t have to have an intake of 300 calories to have an eating disorder.
you don’t have to repeat all your actions 10 times to have OCD.
you don’t have to be the poster child of a mental illness in order to be affected by one.
People need to remember this.
Social anxiety isn’t cool.
OCD isn’t cool.
Bipolar disorder isn’t cool.
Depression isn’t cool.
Cutting isn’t cool.
Phobias aren’t cool.
Trauma isn’t cool.
Sleep disorders aren’t cool.
Eating disorders aren’t cool.
They’re real things, they’re scary, and pretending you have them is just fucking obnoxious and an insult.
If you have any desire for an eating disorder
You think you’ll stop when you have a space between your thighs?
You think you’ll stop when you can see your ribcage?
You think you’ll stop when your collar bones stick out?
You think you’ll stop when your fingers close around your wrist? .
You think you’ll stop when you have cheek bones?
You think you’ll stop when you have visible hip bones, even standing up?
You think you’ll stop when you see a number on the scale that is what you wanted when you started?
You won’t.
You think you’ll stop when you start forgetting basic things like names and being unable to concentrate on simple conversation?
You think you’ll stop when everyone is worried about how much weight you’ve lost?
You think you’ll stop when everyone around you comments on how they haven’t seen you eat in ages?
You think you’ll stop when you have no energy to carry out basic functions?
You think you’ll stop when your hair starts falling out? Your skin is dry, cold and pale? Your eyes are dull? Lips chapped? Muscles aching? Joints stiff? When you can’t sit comfortably for all the bones sticking into things, muscles cramping? When you’re freezing cold all the time?
You won’t be able to.
Don’t start. You never reach your ultimate goal weight because you always make it lower and lower. You never think your thin enough to wear all those clothes you said ‘“I’ll wear that when I’m thin” because you see the diminishing fat, not the protruding bones. Don’t start thinking ‘I’ll stop when…’ because I cannot emphasise this enough- it will never be enough or you. Then you’re sick, people worry, you panic about food in front of you, and worry about it so much when it isn’t there that you struggle to think of anything else.
If you want this living hell I pity you.
I wish you well x
If you have any desire for an eating disorder
You think you’ll stop when you have a space between your thighs?
You think you’ll stop when you can see your ribcage?
You think you’ll stop when your collar bones stick out?
You think you’ll stop when your fingers close around your wrist? .
You think you’ll stop when you have cheek bones?
You think you’ll stop when you have visible hip bones, even standing up?
You think you’ll stop when you see a number on the scale that is what you wanted when you started?
You won’t.
You think you’ll stop when you start forgetting basic things like names and being unable to concentrate on simple conversation?
You think you’ll stop when everyone is worried about how much weight you’ve lost?
You think you’ll stop when everyone around you comments on how they haven’t seen you eat in ages?
You think you’ll stop when you have no energy to carry out basic functions?
You think you’ll stop when your hair starts falling out? Your skin is dry, cold and pale? Your eyes are dull? Lips chapped? Muscles aching? Joints stiff? When you can’t sit comfortably for all the bones sticking into things, muscles cramping? When you’re freezing cold all the time?
You won’t be able to.
Don’t start. You never reach your ultimate goal weight because you always make it lower and lower. You never think your thin enough to wear all those clothes you said ‘“I’ll wear that when I’m thin” because you see the diminishing fat, not the protruding bones. Don’t start thinking ‘I’ll stop when…’ because I cannot emphasise this enough- it will never be enough or you. Then you’re sick, people worry, you panic about food in front of you, and worry about it so much when it isn’t there that you struggle to think of anything else.
If you want this living hell I pity you.
I wish you well x
This is a series of ads from the early 20th century right up to the 1970s.
You might notice what they’re advertising is, instead of the weight loss solutions we’re used to today, they’re actually advertising weight GAIN.
‘It’s hard to believe they once called me skinny!’
‘Skinny girls are NOT glamour girls!’
‘a skinny, scarecrow figure is neither fashionable nor glamourous!’
‘thousands quickly gaining beauty-bringing pounds!’
Notice how less than a hundred years ago, these ads were meant to shame thin bodies the way weight loss ads shame fat bodies today? Notice that how as time goes by, the ‘ideal’ body shape changes from era to era? Notice how in these ads as well as those seen today, they’re meant to make people feel bad about the way they look?
These ads are just as bad as the ones that run today. They’re meant to shame you and make you feel inadequate for one sole reason: so you go out and spend money on their products. It’s not about your self esteem, your health, or your happiness. It’s about selling the product. It’s about making the money.
Your body is NOT wrong. You don’t need pills, diets, or supplements to make you happy, attractive, or ‘right’. All bodies are good bodies. It doesn’t matter if you’re skinny, fat, tall, short, disabled, scarred, anything at all.
Do not let the media dictate what you think you should be. The media is fickle. It does not care about you. Don’t let yourself care about what it says.
Love,
What are thigh gaps and why you probably aren’t going to get one from weight loss
If you have been apart of tumblr for long enough or have wanted to lose weight at some point while on tumblr you’d notice a lot of blogs in the “thinspiration” community have a desire for thigh gaps.
What is a thigh gap you may ask? Essentially it’s a gap between a persons thighs, preferably desired by women.
Why do people want one?
No idea
Chances are if you are trying to get one by losing weight for whatever reason then you may not be able to get it.
“BUT WHY?!” you may cry. Very simple, my dear person. It’s all about your skeleton.
You cannot change the structure of your skeleton very easily (and it would be painful if you could. For example: child birth)
Some people are naturally able to have a thigh gap at a certain size, but that doesn’t automatically mean that you have to very thin. People who are at different sizes can have them but can every fit/thin person have one? No
Fact of the matter is that you probably won’t get one and it’s not a big deal. You don’t die if you don’t have one, and no one really cares about them as much as you do persons-who-want-a-thigh-gap-who-is-reading-this. Well, unless you’re this guy
There are two main reasons for why you probably won’t get one even if you lose weight.
One reason why you won’t get one is because of your hips. If you have narrow hips it’ll be a bit harder to obtain. Here are some examples
You can’t really change your genetics or bone structure…so…
Although, some of you might be thinking “fuck yeah! I have wide hips I’m going to get a thigh gap!!”
Sorry but that also might not be the case. The second reason for why you probably won’t get one is because of your legs. Let me explain a bit.
This is what the leg bones look like when you’re standing
So because your femurs are going in-ward like the image above it would be difficult to obtain a thigh gap even if you have wide hips. Also considering that you also have muscle, skin, fat, veins, around your bones to make, well, legs. It would be hard to achieve it. You need these things to you know, move.
Also remember that people on tumblr stick out their butts, straighten their legs, bending forward with their heels apart, or stand with their feet wider apart for the illusion for a thigh gap in these photos. So really, if they can’t have one naturally what’s the chances of you having one? Here is a great example
If you’re worried about chafing then a quick google search will show you that there are ways to remedy one without achieving a thigh gap. Remember that sometimes every-ones skin is different as well. Some are more or less sensitive than others. So having a thigh gap isn’t an automatic answer to not have any chafing. Many people in my life don’t have thigh gaps and they have no issues with rashes or chafing.
If you’re still wanting a thigh gap despite of what I said you can get one easily by standing like peter pan and walk like that for the rest of your life.
Which goes to show that a thigh gap can be very relative of how you stand.
If you’re still wanting a thigh gap because you see models and other girls in the media having one just remember that the super thin body type portrayed by women in the media only effects 5% of the population. The standards are only getting tighter since 20 years ago models weighed 8% less than a healthy weight and now it’s 23% less than a healthy weight.
Why throw away your health to try and obtain something that most people don’t naturally have? You’re in trouble if you’re going to forgo your health for the sake of something that isn’t obtainable by most human standards.
I feel the need to add that having a thigh gap is perfectly fine, there’s nothing wrong with it—it’s just something most people don’t have. Just like there’s nothing wrong with being a size 0, it’s just not something that’s realistic for most people.
Very informative post, though :)
How?
I’m asking you: do you feel fulfilled? Do you feel whole?What does that mean?
I’m asking if you’re content, if things feel right.Things are fine.
Fine means tolerable. Fine means “they’re not bad, I guess”. Fine means you’re not getting the most out of every day, and that there are things you’re dissatisfied with.Well, obviously.
What’s dissatisfying in your life? What would you change?My weight, for one.
Well, how do we change that?Restricting more, purging better, not binging as often, maybe some fasting and more workouts.
And then you’ll feel fulfilled? You’ll be happy?Well, yeah.
So, doing those things makes you happy?Yes, sort of.
Then why aren’t you happy now? You’ve been doing all those things, for so long.I’m not thin yet.
But when you’re thin, doing those things will make you happy?When I’m thin, I won’t have to do them.
Oh, really? How do you think you’re going to stay there?I’ll eat to maintain.
Right. You think you’ll just be able to snap out of it like that? Once you’re thin, all the HABITS (they’re called habits for a reason) will be easier to get rid of? After restricting and binging and purging and starving, you’ll just automatically be able to eat correctly, physically as well as mentally?No, but I’ll learn to.
And what if you gain weight while you’re trying because you’ve fucked up your body?Then I’ll just use my disorder, temporarily.
Like you are now? And how’s it working for you now? Are you how you want to be, currently?Well, by then, I’ll only have the Good Parts of my disorder.
And what are those?Restricting, for one.
So you’ll just use it temporarily, keep that but magically not have any of the other parts that come with it, like binging and purging and feeling sick?The other parts don’t have to come with it.
Then why are they here now? Why don’t you just get rid of the Bad Parts?I’m trying to.
Then why aren’t they gone?It’s hard.
Right. So, what makes you think it’ll be easier when you’re thinner than you are?I’ll like myself more.
Why?Because I’ll be thinner.
Is that how you measure how much you like yourself?Well, yes, but I guess it’s not the only thing.
What else do you think about? What else defines you?…
Okay. But, when you’re thinner, you’ll be happy, right?Yes.
And when you’re as thin as you’d like to be, you’ll start eating again.Yes.
And when you can’t do that, you’ll just try harder.Yes.
And when that makes you gain weight because yourbody is all fucked up, you’ll just restrict temporarily to get back down.Yes.
And when you get back down, you’ll start eating again.Yes.
And when that makes you gain weight, you’ll just restrict temporarily to get back down again.Yes.
So you’ll live in that constant cycle, be it 3-days/3-days or 3-weeks/3-weeks, for the rest of your life?I…I don’t know. That’s not how it works. I’ll just maintain there.
Do you know how you maintain a weight?How?
By continuing to do what got you there. That’s why when the overweight lose weight, it’s not a ‘diet’, it’s a ‘lifestyle change’. Because you eat for the body you want. So when you’re restricting and starving and purging to get where you want to be, you’ll have to restrict and starve and purge to stay there.No I won’t. Regular people are that thin without doing that.
But how did they get there?They were always like that.
And you weren’t.But I can be.
If you restrict and starve and purge.Yeah.
And then keep doing that, for the rest of your life. Is it really worth it?Yes. I’ll be happy.
Why?I’ll be thin.
You’ll be doing what you’re doing now.Yes, but I’ll be thin.
And that will make all the suffering you have to go through to get and stay there worthwhile?Yes.
And what will you do, when you’re thin?Everything I can’t do now. Parties, clubs, vacations, internships, concerts, sports, traveling, music, projects, jobs - so many things.
And you’re not doing these now, because you’re not thin?Yeah, I don’t have time to do any of those things.
Why not?Because I’m spending all my time trying to get thinner.
Starving, restricting, binging, and purging.Yes.
But you’ll have to do those things to stay that thin. Everything will be exactly the same, you’ll just look different. You won’t be any more able to do any of those things than you are now.
You’re starving now. You’ll have to starve to get there. You’ll have to starve to stay there. Everything will be exactly the same. How will you magically have the time, energy, and physical and mental health?
Your life now is 60% disorder and 40% sleep. No time for an extra 10 or 20% life. If you have to do the exact same things to stay thin, how will you have time for life? Will being thin magically make more hours in the day?I won’t have to devote as much time to it because starving is passive. It doesn’t take up time. You can do it while you’re doing other things.
So, if you can separate starving and keep ‘the good parts’, you’ll still have the energy and physical and mental health to participate in a full life?Yes. Somehow. I’ll figure it out.
And, when you’re at that party, you’ll be having fun, just like everyone else? Because you’re thin so you’re happy, like them.Yes.
But unlike them, you’re starved. You’re sick.
So you’re getting alcohol poisoning. You’re passing out before midnight. You don’t have energy to dance. You’re rushed to the hospital in the middle of the party. You’re ruining everyone’s time. Your body aches, your muscles are sore, you’re having heart palpitations and no one wants to deal with you, and your biology won’t let you think about anything other than the chips in the corner, so you can’t devote all your attention to the party or the people.
Yeah, your clothes are smaller. You’re smaller. But no one cares about that. You’re supposed to be having fun and helping everyone else have fun.
Is that fulfilling?…no.
You’re at that internship. You have no energy to get any of the work done. Your brain is fuzzy. You can’t think. You can’t get the papers done in time. You’re crying for no reason. You’re passing out when you’re supposed to be getting things done for your boss.
Yeah, your clothes are smaller. You’re smaller. But no one cares about that. You’re supposed to be doing your work, and you can’t.
Is that fulfilling?Okay, no.
All those people, all those situations you want to put yourself into, they’d all work better with a you that isn’t starved and sick. Those people don’t care about your jeans size. They want you to be present and do what you’re there for, and an eating disorder won’t let you do that. They’d rather a you FATTER THAN NOW who’s able to do what she’s there for and participate, than a thin you who can’t.But I’m not doing it for everyone else. I’m doing it for me. To make me happy.
And those situations I described, those would make you happy? Those would be ideal to you?Well, I’d be happier than I am now; I’d be thin.
Why do you want to change your body?I’m disgusting right now.
And the only way to change your body is to starve and restrict?It’s fastest.
Then why aren’t you as thin as you want to be yet?Because I haven’t gotten rid of the bad parts yet.
But you’ve been trying to, for years.It’s hard.
You’ll never be able to.You will never be able to.
Stop trying to.
Stop this.
Stop.
psyc(hot)ic: a blunt (but important) truth:
having disordered thoughts is not a choice.
having disordered behaviors is.
Fuck you. Coming from someone who has struggled with eating disorders and self harm, your actions are not your choices either.
OH MY GOD THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THIS
That’s like saying its somebodies fault for sleeping.
I just. I can’t. Nope.Shannon’s right.
She doesn’t mean mental illness is a choice. Disorders and diseases, whether inherent or developed, are not a choices, but we all make the decision of whether or not to act on them, and that goes for eating disorders as much as it does schizophrenic compulsions to murder.
At some point, we have to stop blaming everyone else. We have to stop falling back on the excuse “because I’m sick” and take responsibility for our lives because we’re sick people - not incompetent children.
She’s not implying it’s easy, not implying it’s possible alone, but saying it is indeed a choice and there is hope.
Is it an obsession? Yes. Are there compulsions? Yes.
But, in the end, whose fingers are down my throat?
^ THIS THIS SO MUCH THANK YOU
This is just beautiful. If you’re gonna watch it, watch it until the very end.
by Jane Rachel Kaplan, Ph.D., M.P.H.
Bodies - can’t live with them, can’t live without them. They are what give us life and yet they drive us crazy. Low body-esteem is a big issue for people with eating disorders. In my practice as a psychologist specializing in weight management and eating disorders, almost everyone I work with who has an eating problem has a body-image (how you see your body) and body-esteem (how you feel about your body) problem. In this article, I am using body-image and body-esteem interchangeably.
Many people tend to see their bodies and body-esteem as separate from themselves and their self-esteem, “My self-esteem is fine, it’s just this disgusting body that’s the problem.” It can be hard to believe that the disgusting body is really an aspect of self-esteem. Everyone wants better self-esteem. Does everyone want better body-esteem?
Not necessarily. It can depend on how much you hate your body. For many people with an eating disorder, there seems to be very little reason to work on liking their bodies. After all, why work on liking something that is disgusting and hateful? Why work on something that needs to be fixed by dieting or other measures? Why work on that ugly body; isn’t it better to just hate it and punish it? Of course not, but this kind of eating disordered thinking comes into play when people contemplate working to improve body-image. “Improve my body-image? You don’t understand. My body’s awful! My body needs improving, not its image.”
Herein lies the dilemma and here also is a unique opportunity for healing. The healing of body image can proceed in many different ways. I find it can be helpful for people to work on hating their bodies a little less, but hating them none the less. What?
Yes, you can improve your body-image while still hating your body. For many, this is a relief. But is also seems impossible. ”How can I hate it and still work on liking it? It doesn’t make sense.”
It does make sense if you imagine an eight inch ruler which is the low body-esteem/high body-esteem ruler, illustrated below. It is a long continuum with many positions. At one end is the idea that “I hate this disgusting body” and at the other that “I love this wonderful crucible of goodness.” In between are degrees of hate, neutrality and like. Some people are clear that they don’t hate their bodies, they only mildly dislike them. Others describe themselves as alternating between hating their bodies a lot and thinking their bodies are O.K. The ruler has room for them all.
The Body-Esteem Ruler
1” I hate my body a lot. In fact, I detest it. It’s hard to describe how much I detest it.
2” I don’t like my body; it’s gross, and I somewhat and sometimes detest it.
3”I dislike my body. I won’t go so far as to say I hate or detest it.
4” It’s not great. It’s not awful. It just is. I suppose it could be better, but I don’t really think about it that much.
5” My body is OK . I can’t say I like it, but I do feel OK with it.
6” I like my body at times. There are things about it I don’t like, but those don’t bother me much at all.
7” I like my body most of the time. I’m actually glad it’s mine.
8” I have really good and positive feelings about my body. I deeply respect and like it.
At the outer end of body-hate, at 1” or less, lies a territory that is rough and rugged in terrain. Here there is constant torture of the body, constant insults hurled at one’s looks, constant beating up of the body. This is real bad body hate. It is vicious. It is “let me spend the next two hours telling myself how bad I look” body hate. And it really hurts. It may, for some, be an attempt to punish the bad body by hurting it (with insults) and to get it to behave (i.e., transform into the good body) which one could then love. Whatever the cause, it lowers body-esteem and keeps it beaten down. Since body-esteem is a part of self-esteem, it also lowers self-esteem and keeps it beaten down. Wherever you are on the ruler, to work on healing low body-image, your object is to slowly move towards a higher number, but, and here is the key, just by a fraction of an inch.
When the topic of body image arises, my patient is very frustrated. She asks, “Are you saying I have to like my body?” She doesn’t realize that I would never say that. That’s going too far. To go from vicious body-hate to “I like my body” is not a possibility. To go from vicious body-hate to just plain body-hate, that works. As I describe the ruler to my patient, she mulls it over. “Ah,” she looks at me amazed, “you think I should hate my body just a little bit?” She believes I have lost my mind. “Exactly my point,” I say. “How about hating your body just little tiny bit less?” I use my hands to show a little tiny bit of air. “You hate your body this much,” I gesture to a whole lot of air, “and I don’t expect you to like it or even not hate it, but how about lessening the self-hate a mite? Even a little lessening goes a long way to making you feel better about yourself.”
My patient is stunned by my seemingly insane thought pattern, but something about its crazy logic is making sense. Also, though my patient feels justified in hating her body, she really doesn’t want to have low self-esteem, so she is willing to entertain my notion.
” That’s the way I’ve seen people recover from body-hate and low body-esteem,” I persist, “just a bit less starts the process. The hate lessens by a smidgen, it feels pretty good, and it creates a beginning, a first step in healing body-esteem. The bits add up over time and changes occur.” Often the patient is shocked. She hates her body but not as much. How did this happen? It’s weird. “Where did that intense body-hate go?” It can be a confusing experience.
I warn my patient, “As you work on hating your body a little less, it will test you. It will try to win you back, try to get you in the swing of the old self-punishment, self-humiliation cycle. “Please, please,” body-hate will beg, “come and play with me. Just call yourself a fat pig and I’ll call you that too, and we can play.” Or it may just call you a fat pig, or something equally unflattering, and see if you bite. You will bite at first. But gradually, your response will be firmer. “I am tired of hating my body. It takes too much time. I don’t want to spend my energy this way.”
Time goes on. My patient is working on decreasing body-hate. One day, I hear the magic words. “Of course my body’s disgusting, but I just don’t care if it is or not. I want to live my life. I can’t think about it so much.”
When I hear a patient say those words I am jubilant. I know she’s getting better. It makes me happy when she says she doesn’t care about hating her disgusting body. I know that sounds funny, but it’s because I know she is improving. She is picking up stakes and moving out of the body hate-camp. She is leaving behind years of body-hatred, of endless insults and mirror terror. She is leaving a vicious kind of inner abuse. It is so good for her. It will help her in many ways. Her body-esteem will rise and with it, her self-esteem. The energy tied up in the vicious self-hate will be released and, after she gets her bearings and gets used to this new state, she will feel proud to have made this change.
So you see, as crazy as it sounds, you really can greatly improve your body-image while still hating your body. You just need to use a ruler.
The Little Voices
depression sitting at the left corner. ana sitting beside depression. binging-mia at the fridge. anxiety crying at left (down) corner. self-harm/cutting whispering to me, persuading me.
Version 2.0
Remember coping skills overlap and not all work for everyone.
Enjoy!
PS-Next one is planned for if you’re feeling stressed, lonely, disconnected. Message me with suggestions?
PPS-Here is the Countdown Timer. Delay urges by increments of 15-20 min.
